i am well awake and so are our son's.
I hear there is a particularly serious strain of Man Flu expected to hit your neighborhood this summer. You and your sons can expect sweating, stomach cramps, headaches, flatulence, and explosive diarrhea for a couple of hours every morning until the uninfected female leaves the house. Then the males will feel fantastic and have fun for hours until the uninfected female returns home and the men's symptoms return.
The worst of the symptoms last for about 3 days. And it's quite likely that the infection will be preceded by the rumor that a man's coworkers have exhibited the same symptoms a few days earlier.
No need to see a doctor for this. Doctors have received worldly higher education from Satan's system and most of them believe in evolution. I suggest relying on Jehovah to see whether he can protect you from Man Flu before the crapvention (he can't) or provide you with speedy recovery after the crapvention (let's just pretend that he can).
Edit to add: I'm starting to feel sick to my stomach and dizzy just thinking about ever attending a crapvention again.